Realization
by Icetail
Summary: I'm sorry!" Hollyleaf cried out loud. "I regret everything I did!" she choked out the last words, knowing that these might very well be the last words she would ever say. "I'm sorry," she whispered.


Hollyleaf was still fuming with anger even after she jumped in the tunnel. It seemed like all of her problems were swirling around her mind, just like the swollen river that was growing larger by the minute.

_This was all Leafpool's fault! _she thought in anger tinged with agony and despair. _It was Leafpool who never told us that she was our mother! It was _her _fault that I'm going to die now! _

Hollyleaf padded on though the dark tunnels. Her eyes blurred from the anger that she felt inside of herself. _Now I'm going to die! Everything I've ever dreamed about happening is _gone. She stopped walking, and stared at her paws. Water was beginning to seep up through in between her toes. She shifted them, in a fruitless attempt to stop the water from soaking into her.

From a tiny hole in the ceiling that was much too high to climb up, a ghostly green light filtered in. Hollyleaf blinked, looked down at her pelt, and saw that it had been tinged the light color of bracken. _Brackenfur! My old mentor! What would he think if he knew....knew everything that I have done? _Hollyleaf closed her eyes tightly with regret. _ Oh Brackenfur... You were the only one who didn't treat me like I was worthless! You were like a father to me.... I'm sorry. _A flash of regret ran through her coat. _I wish things could have turned out differently. _Misery rolled off of Hollyleaf in waves, and she slowly picked herself up and padded on through the tunnels, knowing that death was approaching her.

An icy cold wave swept over Hollyleaf, nocking her off of her paws. She jumped onto a dry spot of land. She looked up into the air, and saw darkness.....only darkness. A feeling of emptiness crashed over her, and she sighed.

A single feather came floating down and landed on her nose. Hollyleaf shook it off. _Crowfeather! _Anger engulfed like fire sweeps across the forest. _Crowfeather! My father, who didn't accept me or my brothers! He feels _nothing _towards me. I have no one. _Fury arose from deep inside of Hollyleaf. It was the same kind of anger she had felt when she killed Ashfur.

But then she remembered her brother. _Jayfeather. _The anger seemed to evaporate from Hollyleaf in an instant. Anger was replaced with sorrow. _Oh Jayfeather! My dear brother. What will I ever do without you? Or more importantly, what will you and Lionblaze do without _me_? _

"I'm sorry!" she cried out loud. "I regret _everything _I did!" she choked out the last words, knowing that these might very well be the last words she would ever say. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

The roaring of the river was getting louder. Hollyleaf padded over to a pool of water that was a mouse-length away. She looked in, and saw her reflection dimly on the surface. _StarClan! What have I become? _she wanted to wail. A drop of water fell into the small pool, making her expression ripple. Hollyleaf looked away.

She padded over to one side of the cave, and saw claw marks on the stone walls. _Were these markings from other cats that died like I will? Did they make the same kinds of mistakes that I did? _She shook her head. _No one could have been as horrible as I was. _She looked over again at the markings on the wall. Claw marks! _ Brambleclaw! _She felt a mixture of feelings. _Even though you weren't my father, I respected you. I will never forget you. _Sadness fell onto her like rain coming from a cloud. _If only none of those lies were told! If only I knew from the beginning that he wasn't my father! _Everything _would have been different! _She shook her head, wishing that lies never existed. _What's the use? I'm going to die anyway. _

Thunder cracked overhead. Hollyleaf jumped in shock, then relaxed again. She lifted her nose into the air and sniffed. Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks. _Twolegs? _Hollyleaf padded cautiously over to the source of the smell.

A pit that was once used as a fire was on the ground. Hollyleaf bent her head towards it. Ashes were all over the floor and the dead logs. She drew her head back quickly. _Ashfur! Will you ever stop torturing me!? _Hollyleaf took a step back, wanting to get as far away from this pit of ashes as possible.

The water was up to her belly now.

Hollyleaf padded gloomily on through the tunnels. Then she stopped. A tiny squeaking noise caught her attention. She whipped her head around, and saw a mouse trying to get out through a small hole in the stone wall. _A mouse... StarClan, what are you trying to tell me? _She padded cautiously over to it. With a squeak of alarm, the mouse scurried on through the tunnels, and Hollyleaf lost sight of it.

She went over to the tiny hole in the wall, and tried to see if there was any way of escaping. _No, _she realized. _There's no way out. _She looked down at her paws. Then something caught her eye. The mouse had left behind a whisker while it was fleeing. _A whisker... from a mouse... _Hollyleaf didn't understand. Then- _Mousewhisker! My Clan-mate! _

The roaring of the water was getting even stronger, and Hollyleaf could feel death right around the corner.

Suddenly a torrent of images began flashing through her mind. _Mousewhisker, bounding up with a friendly meow and a mouse ready to share. Mousewhisker, gazing at her concernedly as he asked if she really wanted to be a medicine cat. _

_Mousewhisker, laughing, Mousewhisker with amusement twinkling in his eyes, Mousewhisker giving her a comforting lick on the shoulder._

_Mousewhisker! _she thought in anguish._ I love you and I just realized. After all of this time, I had to find out now. If only I could tell you... But I suppose that you'll never think of me now... now that I'm dead..._

And with that, she was swept away by the current of the black water.

She was never seen again....

**A/N- Thanks for reading! I'll be posting lots of Hollyleaf/Mouswhisker fics from now on, because they're so cool together! :D But sadly, it never happened in the book... :(**

**And really big thanks to ServalSpirit!! Who helped me by being THE BEST BETA EVER!!!!!!!!!!!**

**- **❇** Icetail **❇


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